I’ll be the first to admit – as someone who has established her entire brand around reducing anti-fat bias, what I’m about to share is embarrassing.
That said, it’s true that we all have anti-fat bias, and it’s really important to me that you don’t feel alone in that. So! Here’s the story of a surprising and embarrassing instance of mine and how I’m working on it.
It started in therapy.
As so many surprising revelations do, this sneaky form of anti-fat bias presented itself during therapy.
I was discussing my recent discomfort in the fat-positive space. That I wanted to be a part of the fat-positive community and continue working toward reducing anti-fat bias, educating others on fatphobia, etc.
Sharing the importance of being a voice as a fat person who fights for fat liberation.
That I wanted to represent fat visibility and help others step into their own bodily autonomy.
But I also wanted to take care of my body.
…
…
Being the excellent professional she is, my therapist allowed me to sit with that statement for a few beats.
What was I even saying?
“What do you mean when you say you want to take care of your body?”
I hesitated because I could sense the cognitive dissonance in what I had said. What I meant was exactly that. I wanted to take care of my body as best I can.
Routines. Sleep. Nutritious food. Movement. Balance. Which of course there is nothing wrong with.
The issue was the BUT.
The assumption that fat people couldn’t – or just didn’t – take care of their bodies.
I am someone who has made it a significant part of her life’s work to bring anti-fat bias to light and reduce the harm it causes, and here I was, fully convinced (even if it was subconscious!) that taking care of my body would somehow be betraying the cause.
As if it’s the assumption, even if it’s hidden in a secret part of my brain, that all fat people are – what? Incapable of taking care of themselves? Uninterested in a balanced life? Are immobile and live strictly off of food with the nutrient profile of cardboard? Y’all, this is exactly the type of bias I’ve been FIGHTING against.
I’ve been fighting against it, WHILE FAT. While knowing it’s not true! While knowing that even if it happened to be true, fat people don’t owe us an explanation for their lifestyle! (I don’t owe anyone an explanation for my lifestyle!)
Can you sense my panic? Because panic, I did.
What now?
I’ll admit that I’m still processing this, even though this conversation happened almost a year ago. I’m sad that my brain automatically associated habits like nutritious eating and moving my body as something that a fat person just wouldn’t do or relate to.
I’m also sorry to say that I still struggle with feelings of guilt around these actions. Sharing my life online is a regular occurrence but I find movement I enjoy or find a delicious recipe that is also nutrient-rich, I consistently hesitate to share those parts of my experience. Is it because I don’t want to appear aligned with diet culture? Maybe. But are those things *actually* diet culture?
It’s honestly a little more complicated than that. So much of diet culture is based on intention. Exercise and being conscious of food choices are not inherently diet-culture-centered things, but doing them with a focus on losing weight or changing your body makes them so.
My deepest concern isn’t that a balanced lifestyle is perpetuating diet culture, but that my internal assumption that fat people *don’t* practice a balanced lifestyle is.
Reducing my own anti-fat bias
My therapist gave me a really excellent piece of guidance that day that I honestly don’t consider as much as I should.
She suggested when I’m feeling guilt or hesitance around living a balanced life and “taking care of my body,” that I imagine the person doing those things as someone other than me.
Would I judge another fat person if I saw them at the gym? If I saw them drinking a smoothie? Of course not. I wouldn’t assume they’re doing it to lose weight. And I wouldn’t judge them even if they were, because our bodies are our own and bodily autonomy is the most important thing we have.
Even knowing all of that, it’s (an embarrassing) work in progress on every front.
Just know when you’re trying to reduce your own anti-fat bias, you’re never alone.
xoxo,
Kristy
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